When there's nothing to do...

I'm really scared of idleness. I'm scared of having free time. Weird, huh? Today (Monday) was a pretty good day; it was really nice out; I just had absolutely nothing to do. Well, in reality, I had a paper to edit for publication, but I didn't do that. I finished memorizing Galatians 1 this weekend and didn't keep pushing ahead into chapter 2. So really, I had quite a lot of stuff to do but chose to ignore all of it because I wasn't really obligated to do any of it.

But that's not quite right, is it? God calls us to be faithful stewards in everything, regardless of whether we have deadlines or are pressed by any human sense of obligation. And so looking back, my idle days are days that I can't really tell if I was serving God faithfully or not. They're spiritually neutral days. And I don't like that - not only because I feel like I didn't accomplish anything, but also because that same feeling (that I didn't accomplish anything) is a sign that I could have accomplished more.

God calls me to be a faithful steward in everything, and I suppose that also applies to faithfully serving God in our free time, but free time should never be "free". I could always have prayed more, read more, gone to hang out with some people more, gone to work out, etc., etc. And so I want to be more productive in my free time. I realized that I memorized Galatians 1 in a little under 30 minutes, so if I put my mind to it, I could probably get the whole book done in a day. So, here's a reminder to you, future Peter: use your free time more wisely!

Secondly (and lastly), something that came up in conversation with Adam just now really struck me. It was this: "We used to enjoy life so much more." It's true, isn't it? I used to throw myself rolling down a hill until my parents would tell me to stop. I used to imagine that my vegetables were a jungle and that tiny little dinosaurs were roaming it hunting each other. I used to run back and forth until my tiny little lungs were exhausted and I collapsed laughing just from the sheer pointlessness of it all. I used to enjoy life so much more. When did we get so filled with regret? When did I get so filled with bitterness? It's useless to be bitter about having been bitter, that's just pointless. But I want to wake up tomorrow and be amazed at the leaves, at the grass, at the wind blowing through the trees. I want to open my eyes and be awestruck at the subtle ways God showers us with reminders of his cleverness. I want to be young again.

Lamentations 3:19-22