The future freaks me out

I realized today, sitting in class for 430 that I probably shouldn't have dropped 426 (Metaphysics) this semester. I'm at 12 hours now and I have loads of free time, I'm pretty bored because (quite frankly) I beastmode all of my classes (except for 453....ugh.....), but more importantly, I just realized that dropping that class probably screwed up maybe graduating a semester early next year. I still do want to take 426, and the reason I dropped it was so I could take it with Korman and not the crazy old hoot that's teaching it now (seriously, anybody else reading this, Prof. Hugh Chandler is craaaaaazy), but it probably messed up my next year's semester hardcore. Ugh.

I also had a moment of terror because I thought it was too late to declare my 2nd major in history (that, somehow, I'm 99% done with, without even having declared it) and that I'd just randomly have 34 hours of history with no just cause. I just really need to stop putting stuff off.

I really wish I had started caring about stuff earlier. My GPA could be considerably higher, I could have a lot better relationships with a lot of people.....my GPA could be higher....

And now, I have no clue where I'm going to be in 3 years, or even this time next year. I'm still applying to grad school next year, but I have absolutely no clue how good my application will be - I have an okay GPA, not particularly worried about recs or writing sample, and I have a more advanced CV than most undergrads do, but I still need to apply to a ton of places because I have no clue how good my application looks. But more than that, I'm a little scared about when I'm going to get married, and to whom (yeah, believe it or not....though I'm not that worried at all. It's just apprehension about being in grad school for 5-7 years); I'm scared that I'm not going to get to hang out with my friends here before we all move on after graduation; and in general, I'm just scared I have no control over my future.

Hmm.....more faith. Mo' trust. Mo' prayer.