Well, it's been fully 3 weeks since I last posted. Sure shows how committed I am even to something I promised to do for myself. I've wanted to do more posts, but somehow I just can't remember. Easy enough, I guess.
But in another sense I think it's a good thing that there was an interim period between posts. A lot of things happened after Thanksgiving break, and the sudden appearance of all that insincere secular holiday jibber-jabber kept Peter from enjoying himself (and the Advent). Though I guess once more I only have myself to blame.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure I really want to begin. Though I'm sure that in beginning (and finishing) this post I might just uncover another deep understanding of the human psyche and the profundity of human perseverance. Then I'll make a movie about it and cast Will Smith as the lead role. Man do I hate Will Smith.
I guess I'll just list everything. Chrisanna and I started a something (our something, if that means anything) and then it ended. She broke things off; for a while I couldn't stop thinking about it - or her. I still can't. I think God's teaching me a lesson. Finals were terrible. I realised at that fine hour when I couldn't decide whether to write the Aristotle or the feminism maybe not falling asleep (~Ap in predicate logic, in case I ever need it) in class could be a good option every once in a while. Small group sharing was a very reinvigorating experience - because for the first time in a while I got to hear myself speak, and I got to hear God speak through me. CFC Lock-in was very strange. I'm amazed I stayed up - and even more amazed at the fact that for whatever reason, I have no functioning comprehension of the Holy Trinity at 5 in the morning (yet when I sleep and wake up again I understand it as before).
It's strange to see that all written out like that. 3 weeks of my life more or less summed up in a paragraph, a few parentheticals and the irrelevant inclusion of some symbolic logic. Good thing at least I know what I'm talking about. Who knows how lost I'd be if that weren't the case - when I come back to read this, whenever, I'm sure I'll remember.
At sharing small group, I shared how winter break was both a "break" and a "brake" for me - or at least what I was expecting. I think in a certain sense that has to be true not just for one month out of one school year at one university but at least every day. I wake up every day not entirely sure whether I want to do anything specific and, if I do, wondering (with mild fear) whether or not I will complete my task. It's certainly a strange life to live when your biggest enemy is yourself. A month is a long time, in any case - whether on break or not. But in another 4 weeks, the only record of it having happened will be this highly unreliable machine in my head and (if I'm lucky) 4 or so more posts here. Yet braking (and breaking) is a process - every day we'll get slower, breathe a little easier, and remember just a little more in time to stop and reconnect to another years' obligations.
Maybe if I ease the brake just right, I'll barely even notice I stopped.
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