So lately I've been chasing a lot of expectations - and that's just it. These things are to me more than just hopes or "good ideas", they're things that I genuinely expect to come true. And because of that I'm often surprised, taken off guard, and sometimes even shaken when they fail to materialise in the way I expected them.
I guess it can't be blamed - there's a certain way in which I'm sure I'm wrong even to expect certain things - reason, stability, balance - without doing a bit of work on my own. Then again, I do frequently try to justify myself before "myself", the "me of the moment" that asks those unanswered questions and second-guesses I assumed I had already answered and decided.
Charlie Dates, the guest speaker at Revival, was speaking on Psalm 23 - "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil." It seems in reflection now that such a thing might be harder to do if the evil you're trying not to be afraid of is in yourself. Though I suppose that King David might have had this in mind. As might have Mr. Dates. One thing that I continue to remember, though, is that in his message, Charlie Dates said that we walk through the valley of the shadow of death - we don't sit around in it, we don't set up camp and build a family there, we walk through it. I hope I can remember that fact.
I'm sure when future Peter looks back and reads this he'll have a great deal of confusion as to why I'm being so incredibly vague (and, after having read this sentence, will probably remember just a little bit). But the truth is, I'm thankful for struggle. I hate it, but I'm thankful for it. I know when Peter looks back at this it will be at a time of challenge and change, and I just hope that I remember why I wrote this. I hope that when I reread these long lost thoughts, I find that I will have been faithful not only to God but to myself.
I hope that when I find nothing left to be thankful for, I still thank God for thanksgiving.
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Now playing: As I Lay Dying - Confined
via FoxyTunes
2 comments:
keep fighting peter ... i'll see you when you get back ... and i'm waiting for part 2 :)
oh this is suggey btw ... i forgot this was under another name.
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