In evil long I took delight

Unawed by shame or fear

Till a new object struck my sight,

And stopped my wild career.

I saw One hanging on a tree,

In agony and blood,

Who fixed his languid eyes on me,

As near his cross I stood.

Sure, never to my latest breath,

Can I forget that look;

It seemed to charge me with his death,

Though not a word he spoke.

My conscience felt and owned the guilt,

And plunged me in despair,

I saw my sins his blood had spilt,

And helped to nail him there.

A second look he gave,

which said, “I freely all forgive;

This blood is for thy ransom paid;

die that thou mayst live.”

Thus, while his death my sin displays

In all its blackest hue,

Such is the mystery of grace,

It seals my pardon too.

With pleasing grief and mournful joy

My spirit now is filled;

That I should such a life destroy

Yet live by him I killed.

-John Newton

You take me away

When I am troubled by heartache and struggle,

I come and adore You; you take me away from

All worldly sensation and endless temptation.

All of my trials are lost in your love.

Thus far

Spring break is decent. Parents are gone in Taiwan, so it's just my sisters and me at home. I really wish I had had more time with my parents home just to hang out and talk to them, again, I don't really experience the sensation of "I miss you," but it is certainly nice to be home. I need to pray more - for my family, for myself, for the world, for everything. It's astounding how fast time can fly when you're doing nothing: I think I wasted 2 days entirely void of any meaningful activity just by waking up at noon, and loitering around for a couple more hours even then. I need to pray, need to learn how to serve. Am I even aware what rung of the social ladder servants fall on? And Jesus willingly stuck himself there, to show us how far the depths of his love for us reach. Need to learn how to serve.

Semi-finalized the list of grad schools I'll be applying to in the fall a couple days ago: 13 total. Scary. Who knows where God will take me? I just want to be used for his Kingdom.

This is not our home, we are sojourners. There is a better land waiting for us. This is not our home.

2 Samuel 13

Man, David really knew how to love. Even after he had heard word that Amnon had raped Tamar, he still wept when he heard that Amnon was dead. I need to learn to forgive, even in circumstances that seem unable to be undone and for acts so grievous I think they shouldn't be forgiven.

Likewise David still loved his son Absalom, even though he killed another one of his sons, and ran away from his father's love. Absalom acted on what he thought was right - avenging the violation of his sister Tamar - but ultimately, it was to fulfill a personal vengeance and not to do justice to God's law. I need to learn to love deeply and unconditionally.

Day 1 of 40. :)

40 more days! 40 more days!

Well, it's the Tuesday before another Ash Wednesday; here's my Lent commitments for this year:

No DotA

No Facebook (hopefully these two together should encourage me to read more books)

Fasting one day out of every week....Fridays?

And writing at least 3 blog posts each week (hopefully 1 every day)

That's it! Let's get to work. :)

"The Joy of Thy Salvation"

"We will use the words we know

To tell You what an awesome God You are.

But words are not enough to tell You of our love,

so listen to our hearts."

+

Resolved,

to be a child once more.

to be captivated by the fearsome and tremendous beauty of it all.

to be moved to tears more than only once in a while.

to be satisfied each day with a good book and the quietness of the wind in the trees.

to be alarmed by the magical uncertainty of my own existence and, waking the morning thereafter, kiss life anew on the lips.

to be irretrievably enamored with the genius and the mystery of the Greater Music.

to be liberated, in heart, mind, soul and flesh, from the cynic bitterness rooted so deeply in the crevasses of the human condition; expressed by Bertrand Russell, who said, "There is darkness without and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing."

to believe, with every ounce of my energy and every atom of my being, that the truth will set me free.

to be overcome with a satisfaction in and from the fullness of joy set before me, whose Name is YHWH.

to be consumed by a magnificent vision of the radiance of Christ; treasuring him as that rare lustrous jewel that shines with all the colors of the sun, and bursts with an indescribable beauty wholly its own.

to fall in love once again.